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You're listening to Up an Octave, a podcast by Sonivia, the podcasting agency that believes that women and non binary people deserve to take up space in the podcasting industry because our thoughts, voices, and stories matter. Here you'll learn how to make dope podcasts that inspire, educate, convert, and most importantly, make your voice shine.
I'm your host, Rue Spence, and I'm here to take podcasting up an octave. Let's get into it.
Hello, hello, and welcome back to Up an Octave. Today, I am super excited because in this episode, we're going to do things a little bit different than my standard fare. I had a really thoughtful message come in from a listener, Casey, Who, we've actually worked together in the past to kind of ideate a podcast that she's still hoping to start.
And she's had some blocks come through that she really wanted to process and asked if I could process them here with you. So today we're going to talk about something that I think is often unspoken in podcasting, which is how we can protect ourselves as creators while also considering the vulnerability that comes with putting our voices out there.
All right. So Casey sent in a really lovely voice message and I'm going to play it here in just a second, but this episode is going to explore the concerns and questions that she has about safety and vulnerability and just the challenges that come with being public facing, especially for women, female presenting and femme people here in the online and content creator space.
So let's go ahead and listen to her message and I'll meet you back here.
Hi, Rue. I appreciated your response and I thought since we're doing audio media, I thought I would go ahead and make a little recording of my thoughts because sometimes it is easier to talk it out than to write it out. As I mentioned, it's been a year, it's been a year of, you know, dealing with some personal stuff, some frustrations, some disappointments.
Just a lot. And so my podcast project has kind of gone way, way to the back. It's still been in my mind, but I realized that in addition to just the sort of logistic challenges of trying to get it done, I have had this growing fear, anxiety about what might come. If I get famous, and I don't mean that in the sense of going viral, I don't mean that in the sense of getting lots of fans, but I do mean that I am putting my voice out there with the hope and expectation that it will be heard, and that it will be valuable to somebody, but that also means that That it might reach someone who then turns around and wants to, you know, harm me in some way.
And I am using those words carefully because I do mean that. I don't mean physically threatening, necessarily. But I do mean that, you know, there's, I think, a bad or critical review is one thing. I think harassment is another thing. And as it turns out, I am already worried about that. And I don't think that that is uncalled for.
I think it's important for us to Really, as women and female femme presenting people, to be really clear eyed about that. You know, we walk around in the world as sort of private citizens with various levels of apprehension. We do things to keep ourselves safe in a way that some other populations don't feel the need to do.
And I think as we make the decision to step even further into a public arena, putting our voices out there. I think we need to be really clear eyed about what that means for our physical, emotional, mental safety. I think we talk a lot about the importance of putting our voices out there. Being heard, not being silent, and I would love to hear more from people who have put themselves out there, what they do to keep themselves safe and all the different ways.
I've always loved the idea of using vulnerability. To teach, to share, and it is scary, it is profoundly frightening to me. And it may turn out that it's not for me. It may turn out that I don't want to be a public person, and that's okay. And I think it's, I think we need to normalize. It's getting okay with our very personal limitations and needs.
There's an episode of It Could Happen Here, which is a podcast on Coolzone Media, with Molly Conger. She has a show called Weird Little Guys that's just brilliant. She is, you know, she is so funny and tough, but also not hardened. She did sort of a guest spot on It Could Happen Here, in which she talks about what it looks like to sort of scrub the internet of your personal information as much as possible, knowing that it's kind, it is kind of impossible to completely take yourself Out of the internet, but she does a great job of posing some good questions to ask oneself about who is touched by our decision to be out in public.
Do we have kids? Do we have family? Do we have friends who might be impacted by our decisions? And sort of taking, taking some questions like that and helping them form the actions that we might take to protect ourselves. I highly recommend that episode. She has some good tips and tricks, but it's the questions that sort of frame it that I think are really, really good.
So yeah, I think when I think about, What I want, I might want to hear in an episode or in a conversation is what you and other makers have done to create a feeling of safety and support for yourselves. What do you wish that you had known? What conversations do you wish you would have had what advice do you have for people who are just starting out?
So, thank you
Awesome and I just want to say Casey Thank you so much for presenting this topic and asking the questions that I think a lot of us feel But don't always have the words for and also you sound great on mic So, please consider bringing your voice forward for others to hear because I really think that you have something powerful to share And it's not my place to talk about what Casey's show is about, but it is something that is truly special and I think has the potential to impact a lot of lives.
First off, I just want to address vulnerability because I think that the fear of something happening to you comes from a place of being vulnerable, of letting down the armor that we trust and curate in our daily lives to keep us safe. And, in part, you know, there is the fear of physical safety, of being doxxed, of all of those things, but there's also just the fear of criticism and judgment.
And, you know, what if I get negative reviews, or what if I get review bombed? Those are all very valid fears, and things that I would be remiss to pretend don't happen in this space. I also want to say that I am not the authority on this topic. A lot of what I'm sharing is from my personal experience, or my personal ethos, and things that work for me, and choices that I make.
First off, I think that something that is huge for all people who exist in a public forum, um, is having a private versus a public life. And this line can get blurry, especially when we are podcasting about our lived experiences and our realities, but who we present as can be a facet of who we truly are.
Too often content creators feel like they owe the world every intimate detail about themselves. And, you know, I'm brought back to like the secret life of Mormon wives, which, you know, right now, you know, is so popular and has kind of come back into the zeitgeist where we had the TikTok of one of those women dancing to a trending audio while her baby is having like a significant medical event and is in the hospital for RSV and how much she got flamed for that.
And, you know, that's in part what we're talking about. How do you respond to backlash? How do you protect yourself from backlash? But also there is a time and a place for what you choose to share. And for whatever reason, that woman felt the need to share that moment of her life. But I think that the onus is on us as creators to decide what do we want the public to consume about us?
What access should they have to us? And what do we maybe choose to keep a little bit closer to the vest? And this also brings me to the topic of children. And that is something that, again, I don't have all the answers for. I'm a mother. I talk about my mothering experience and how much motherhood shapes the choices that I make and the business that I have.
And, you know, I walk the line of, do I share my daughter on social media? Do I share her on my personal social media? Do I share on my business social media? And that is a tough line. I truly value consent. And the truth is that minors cannot consent. So it's a very fine line to me. For what we choose to share as parents, and for me, the choice that I am making currently, because it evolves as I continue to evolve, is to only show my daughter in her best light, for the sake of what I put visibly.
So it does bother me and again, my personal opinion both as a creator and as a consumer is when it feels like parents put difficult moments out for clout or for views or for clicks or for likes and I see a lot of you know children being scared of Look how funny it is that this little girl is scared of the Grinch, or I pranked my kids that I ate their Halloween candy.
And to me, that is not putting your child in their best light. When I choose to share a picture of my daughter putting on my headphones, that, to me, is something that I hope, without knowing what her future holds, that she will be proud of that moment. You know, she'll see, wow, my mom worked really hard for my childhood, and I grew up watching her working really hard, and emulating that.
And then there is also the aspect of safety for children online. The internet is a vast and deep and scary place. And something that I've chosen to the, the line that I choose to walk as a mother is that there are creeps with cameras. And even if I don't make the choice to put my child online, I am incapable of protecting her from everything.
And so to walk the line of, you know, not posting bathtub pictures. But also acknowledging the great space in my life that she does occupy. And, you know, for me, the one caveat to that is that I'll sometimes talk about the difficulties or the challenges that I experience as a mother. And a big part of why that is so important to me is to dismantle this perfect curation of parenthood.
Where, you know, there are no bad days and we're making cereal from scratch and these gunny sack dresses and all that. And for me, I think it is valuable and validating to share some of the more unsightly aspects of parenthood. And that comes from trying to be what I need to see on the internet. But it is important to me that I frame it as today is hard, I am having to rise to the occasion, I am growing and stretching, as opposed to, wow, my kid is difficult, or being a parent is so hard because my kid is bad or unruly or whatever, that I want it to always be on me and not on my child, that I am having to learn new skills, I am having to grow and adapt, Not ever that it is on my child.
And that's where I stand currently. Ask me again in six months. I've only been a parent for two years. I'm still a novice in a lot of ways. But that's where I currently stand on things. And like with so much of parenting, I'm not sure if I'm getting it right. And the same is true for other relationships, deciding how much to share of my husband's life, and that's especially doubled down on because of him being in the military.
There are things that I'm not at liberty to share, and so having to walk that line is a choice that I think we all make, and have to make in very different ways depending on what type of sensitive information we're navigating. And what information we do share, but as content creators, I think we do have a responsibility to hold safely the information that we're sharing and to choose how we can responsibly disseminate it when it feels appropriate.
I want to highlight a podcast that I really love and podcasters who I adore and get to work with, and that is Salon Confessions. I want to talk about how they handle things because I think they do a really bang up job of having these intensely authentic conversations where they're often talking about health diagnoses or traumatic experiences.
They're unpacking a lot of the realities of being Gen Xers and how the medical system has failed them and is continuing to fail them. But they do it all under aliases and they have aliases for their family members, their spouses, oftentimes their guests. And this allows them to maintain that privacy so that this way it doesn't impact Harper's career, who, you know, she's navigating more corporate spaces.
And then it protects Jen, who's a nail tech, and the concept of their podcast is based on Jen's being a nail tech. And so having this sense of confidentiality of, you know, who we are, but you don't know our identities, allows them to feel safe in their jobs, in their public spaces, to feel safe with their families.
And they're really considerate about not even disclosing their location. And the beauty in that is that they could be anyone, anywhere. And it gives you this intimacy where you can almost insert them into wherever you are, whatever you're doing. And I think that that is a really beautiful way to handle things.
But it also allows their identities to remain concealed. And sometimes you walk this really fantastic line of rising to a challenge that somehow makes things even more unique and well executed. There are, of course, digital safety tips that I don't want to beat this horse, because I think at this point, many of us are acquainted with these strategies, but I think they're worth acknowledging within the podcasting space.
And first up, that's using a P. O. box. If you're going to have any kind of mail or Depending on how much you feel the need to protect yourself, to where you're registering things, if you're worried about being doxxed, or people finding out sensitive information. You can open the credit card that you pay for your podcast hosting or recording softwares and have it go to that PO box or those are kind of different strategies you can use for physical location, but then I would also recommend using a VPN if you want to keep your IP addresses concealed.
I'm a firm believer that if people want information badly enough, there are tools that will allow them to access it, but we have the ability or even the responsibility to make it difficult for them. Okay. So that's kind of my thought on your physical and digital safety and location, especially because it is so easy to do something like use a VPN.
And that just sets a boundary and adds that little bit of firewall that they'll have to get through if they're truly determined to get to your sensitive information. Something that I talk about a lot on this show is also setting boundaries, and this goes back to the public versus private life. You get to decide what aspects of your life are off limits, and you get to stick to those boundaries.
Another show I also want to highlight is Dear Grief Guide, which just had its series finale. It has been Such a joy to get to work on this show with Shelby. But with that show, Shelby would take letters written in by grieving people and ensure that they are protected by anonymity. They have these kind of dear Abby sleepless in Seattle sign offs that protect their names.
And having that feeling of security also allows us to be a little bit more vulnerable. You know, these are people sharing really heartbreaking experiences and sometimes it is easier to share those things when you feel like no one in your real life knows it's you. A factor that's more emotional than practical to consider within your safety is if you are prepared for feedback, and both positive and critical.
Just the visibility aspect can be intimidating and can be difficult to manage and accept. It can be uncomfortable when you realize. That there are other people hearing this and it's worth considering how you'll respond to comments, to reviews, even to emails that you may get. And having a support network of family, friends, colleagues, peers who can support you and can offer feedback and help you stay grounded when that feedback does come in is a great strategy that you can employ just to help keep your feet planted.
On top of this kind of comes protecting your mental health. Make sure that you are in a place to add this to your plate. Podcasting is a lot of work and the vulnerable aspect of having feedback come in. is also really intense. So make sure that you are in the mindset, that you have your mindfulness practices, that you are processing those fears and anxieties, and be gentle with yourself.
Recognize that it's okay if you need to take breaks, or maybe you decide after three months that public facing work just isn't for you. There are other ways that you can engage and do the work that you're doing that you're called to do That you can't live without doing that doesn't have to feel Uncomfortable or unsafe and if it does feel unsafe, it's just not for you and that's okay I am not a family YouTube vlogger because it just doesn't feel good to me The work that I'm doing does feel good.
And, and so, you know, this is a little bit bigger than podcasting, but if that doesn't feel natural or good or exciting to you, it's absolutely okay to pivot, to do something that does feel good. And, you know, beyond that, it's important to just consider. Who is at risk of being impacted by your public facing work?
What steps do you feel that you need to take to protect them? I've given some, you know, use a VPN and potentially use an alias. You know, that's, that's some really practical advice, but there is the aspect of just considering what do I need to know for my personal circumstance? I think everyone is different.
in how safe they feel that they need to be, or how at risk they are. I have definitely gotten flamed for talking about that women and queer people deserve to exist online, um, because that's a very hot topic, for obvious reasons. But I don't feel particularly endangered by the conversations that I'm having.
But if you are choosing to have conversations that feel polarizing or feel like hot topics right now, you may need to consider your safety in ways that I cannot even fathom. And this doubles down by your other identifiers. If you are a person of color, if you are a gender diverse person, like there are So many demographics of which I do not belong that keep me safe and keep me shielded.
That's something to consider and to consider how being a part of that demographic makes you more vulnerable, but in turn can also make your story that much more necessary for other members of your community to hear if you feel that you are the right person to take up the reins. So I'm curious and I'd love to share this either in another episode or directly with Casey But if you already have a podcast, I'd love to know, what do you do to feel safe and supported as a creator?
You can DM me over on Instagram @SoniviaStudios. You can shoot me an email at rue.soniviastudios@gmail. com. Again, Casey, I want to say thank you so much for, uh, sending your message in and reminding us that vulnerability and safety can coexist and how necessary it is to have these conversations and how much this continues to change and evolve as the ecosystem of the internet changes and evolves.
You're also, you don't owe the public anything. No one does. Like you deserve to feel safe. You deserve to feel supported. And if content creation does not feel good, you do not owe anyone. Your content. All right, that is it for today. Happy New Year. I'm really excited for 2025 to get some new things rocking and rolling and To bring you more content as we navigate some new things in the world And podcasting continues to evolve.
It's truly been a joy to get to chat with you in 2024. And I'm excited to keep it rocking in 2025. As I mentioned earlier, you can come hang out with me on Instagram and threads at @SoniviaStudios. If you would like to get some extra hands on support and continue this conversation, you can go ahead and email me at rue.sonivia@gmail. com. Until then, thank you so much for helping me take podcasting up an octave.
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